


Wear Your Heart On Your Skin

by xoimadivaox



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Chloe getting tattoos, Chloe makes an impulsive decision, Chloe trying to get by after Lucifer left for Hell, F/M, Gen, It's kind of a Deckerstar fic but while Lucifer is in Hell, Kind of OOC!Chloe, Separated Deckerstar, Sweet but kind of sad, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 16:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21460957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoimadivaox/pseuds/xoimadivaox
Summary: While Lucifer is in Hell, Chloe decides she'll do something impulsive for once: She'll get a tattoo. A subtle way to always have her Morningstar with her if the man himself cannot escape Hell and come back to her.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 54
Kudos: 228





	Wear Your Heart On Your Skin

She doesn’t tell anyone she’s going to a tattoo parlor when she declines an invite to a Tribe Night, claiming she already has plans. Maze doesn’t hesitate to call her out on it, reminding her that they’re her only friends, but Chloe quickly dismisses her. And, knowing the girls will all be at their favorite tiki bar, Chloe makes sure to pick a parlor that’s on the opposite side of town, just to be safe.

She sits in her car for a good twenty minutes just trying to gather the courage to go in. It’s not that she’s afraid, needles never scared her, it’s just nerves getting the worst of her. She’s second guessing one of the very rare impulsive decisions she’s ever made in her life and the reactions she imagines everyone will have do nothing to calm her down.

She thinks of her mother who will probably whine about how Chloe’s just ruined her body if she ever wants to make a comeback to the big screen. (She doesn’t. Not at all. She loves being a cop, thank you very much.) But if that’s her mother’s argument, she’s ready to shoot back that she wouldn’t be the first Hollywood actress to have a tattoo. Angelina Jolie is only one example out of a long list of successful actresses.

There’s still something incredibly satisfying in rebelling against her mother in Chloe’s opinion, even after all those years. And while she had taken her top off on screen as a teenager instead of getting a tattoo, now she’s simply closing the loop on the rebellious daughter act.

She has a feeling Linda and Maze won’t agree with her on that matter either. The former is probably going to find some very professional way of calling her out on the pseudo midlife crisis she’s having while the latter might be proud of her for doing something so rash, she’s also pretty sure Maze is going to be pissed and tell her in not so soft terms that she needs to move on and forget _him_ and that a tattoo was _not_ a good way to cope. The demoness’ words will probably hurt, but Chloe knows better. Maze is only ever lashing out at them when she’s hurt and doesn’t know how else to express it.

Trixie will definitely think it’s cool. She’s still only ten after all and tattoos are still somewhat fascinating to the little girl. Ella will probably give her a sad smile, pull her into a tight hug and tell her that she misses him too and that she gets it. Out of all her friends, Chloe knows Ella is going to be the most accepting of her crazy plan.

And Dan? Dan is going to be pissed off, she can already feel it. His feelings towards Lucifer never quite mended properly before he had to leave and she knew that seeing her as devastated as she had been had only stoke Dan’s rage. She knows before she even gets her skin inked that Dan will pull her on the side and gruffly ask her what the hell was she thinking. And she’s fairly certain she’ll end up crying, whether in rage, in sadness or in a mix of both is yet to be seen, but he’ll make her feel small and she’ll hate every second of it.

She’ll keep the tattoo hidden, she decides. She already knows what she’s gonna get and where and while it’s a pretty visible place, she knows exactly what she’s going to do to keep Dan’s attention away from it. 

She’s still nervous when she decides to get out of her car and walk into the parlor, but there’s a determination that’s burning inside of her too. This is what she desires and she’s going to go after it, damn it all to Hell! She almost stomps her way across the street, her anger toward Dan along with the desire to do something for herself for once − to listen to Lucifer’s advice for once − pushing her forward.

She never realized until that moment how angry she was with Dan. How he had always made her feel so small and inadequate, both at work and in their marriage. The complete opposite of how Lucifer makes her feel. Ever since she stuffed him in the back of her cruiser, Lucifer had always trusted her, her instincts and her guts. He always listened to her theories until the very end, whereas Daniel would interrupt her halfway through it to call her crazy. (He had once. Usually he stuck to calling her theories insane but when he had said she was the one who was crazy? He had spent the night at his parents’ house and it had taken her everything not to throw all of his stuff to the curb. She had given him the cold shoulder for a week after that, forcing him out on the couch and when she finally let him back inside the master’s bedroom − for Trixie’s sake might she point out − she had taken as little room in the bed as she could have, as far away from him as she could and with her back turned to him for another week after that. It had stretched into two weeks when he had dared to tell her she was overreacting. Reminiscing about moments like these make her understand precisely why Lucifer called him Detective Douche. And why she secretly agrees with the statement.)

She offers a smile at the young woman at the counter and asks if there’s any availability for tonight. The girl looks at her kind of weirdly, it’s probably her overly polite and obvious mom vibes Chloe decides, and tells her that yeah, there is, but Chloe’s gonna have to wait, all of the artists are busy right now and it might be a while.

Chloe nods but doesn’t let it deter her. It’s okay, it’s fine. Her friends are out there drinking, Trixie is with her father, she doesn’t have a case she needs to get back to and her Devil is out of reach, she has all the time in the world.

As she waits, her curiosity gets the best of her. There are portfolios laying all over the counters around the shop and she figures that looking at them would be a great way to pass the time. And who knows? Maybe she’ll get an idea for tattoo #2. (She snickers at the idea of already wanting a second tattoo. Could you imagine if Lucifer comes back to her skin having taken all sorts of colorful hues?)

At first, she’s flipping the pages rather than really taking in the artwork, but soon, she realizes that that’s exactly what they are: pieces of art. Pieces of art people proudly carry with them − _on_ them − in the streets. She’s used to see them marring the faces of gang members in a crude or violent manner, but she’s never really taken the time to study them.

She sees a jewel so beautifully shaded it looks real on that girl’s skin. And there, such a detailed mandala made with tiny dots, it must have taken the artist _hours_ to complete it. She finds a guy with a traditional anchor accompanied by a banner with a date on it. She has no idea what August 15th 1966 means to him, but it touches her that it was important enough to him to get it inked. She spots a few portraits that are, in her opinion, worthy of being hung in a museum. She sees portraits of pets decked in flower crowns, surrounded by roses or golden frames and it makes her smile.

The portfolio opens her eyes to a world she hadn’t particularly snubbed before, but had never bothered to try to understand. They’re not just about colorful blobs anymore. The tattoos become homages to the deceased, to hardships or happy memories. They are, in some cases, masterpieces, but all are parts of someone’s biography. Lucifer probably loves them, she decides, hoping she’ll get to ask him one of these days, ask his opinion about _hers_.

Just then, two guys emerge through the curtain separating the waiting area from the back of the parlor and excitement sparks into Chloe’s being. It’s going to be her turn soon! The guys and the receptionist make small talk as the client pays and Chloe can barely sit still. The artist claps the customer on the back, wishes him well and then turns to her.

“Lemme just clean up my workstation and I’ll be right with you.”

“Sure, no problem,” she replies with a smile.

She’s about to close the portfolio she has in her hands to put it back where it belongs when she glances down at the page she hasn’t had time to look at yet and it hits her. In a stunning calligraphy, the word ‘_Believe_’ adorns the side of a slender arm and just like that, she knows exactly what’s going to be her second tattoo. She wants Lucifer’s catchphrase, his compelling ‘_What do you desire?_’, inked on her skin. And just like that, she’s upset by her lack of preparation. She wants it, yes, but she wants it in _his_ handwriting. She wants it in a way that makes it look like he’s saying it, but she doesn’t have it. She’s not sure she’ll ever have it. She has half a mind to bolt out of the parlor to go to his penthouse and rummage through all his paperwork until she can make up the sentence serial killer letter style and bring it back, but she forces herself to sit still. She doesn’t know where she’d put it, she needs to think on that, but she wants to make sure she can get it done just the way she wants before she gets too far ahead of herself in the planning and end up disappointing herself.

Fifteen minutes later, the artist comes back out and walks straight to her, smiling as he stretches his hand out.

“Hi! Name’s Chris. What’s yours?” Chris asks as he shakes her hand before he leads her to his station.

“Chloe. Nice to meet you,” she replies with a smile and he chuckles.

“First tat, uh?”

“Is it that obvious?”

He shrugs. “You learn to spot them over the years. You ate dinner, right?”

She nods. It might have been impulsive on her part to get tattooed, but that didn’t mean she didn’t do her research before coming here. (And before choosing that particular parlor.)

“Good. So, what can I do for ya?”

“The North Star, right there,” she says as she turns her left wrist toward him, pointing to her pulse point.

“Okay. Any particular style? Size?”

“Very minimalistic, just lines. And maybe the size of a quarter, give or take?”

He nods. “Very delicate, very thin lines?’ Chris asks and it’s her turn to nod. “A small cluster of stars around it, maybe? Just dots? Make it less lonely?”

She hadn’t really considered it, but as soon as Chris says the word lonely, she agrees wholeheartedly. Never again will her Morningstar be lonely.

“Can I ask if it means anything? Why you getting it done?”

Chloe shrugs. “My boyfriend had to go away on business and there’s a good chance he won’t get to come back so I just… I just want to have that little piece of him with me.”

“What’s he do?”

“He’s a prison warden.” Not a lie, but not a complete truth either. 

“Damn, he working at Guantanamo or something?”

She chuckles. “Would you believe me if I said some place worse?”

He shrugs. “Eh. I’ve seen the documentaries. I know there are worse places.”

It takes all of her effort to bite back the ‘You have no idea’ that rests at the tip of her tongue.

“Want me to sketch it up for you or you good with me freehanding it?”

“Would you hate me if I asked you to draw it first? You don’t have to turn it into an exact pattern after, but I’m curious.”

He laughs and pulls an artist pad toward him. “Can I convince you to add a moon crescent, then?”

She squints at him, unsure. “Why?”

“Moons usually represent feminine energy. If the star’s for your boyfriend, the moon could be for you. Bring you back together in a way.”

He quickly draws with he has in mind and Chloe’s surprised by how much she loves it when he shows her. On the right, which will be underneath her pinky once it’s tattooed on her skin, is the North Star, six delicate straight lines crossing each other in the center, simple, clean. Lower, on the left, is a tiny moon crescent, smaller than the star, but there nonetheless. And, between the two celestial bodies, are dots, most nothing more than the press of Chris’ pencil tip on the paper, but a few are slightly bigger. It gives the impression of the cosmos between the two and Chloe can barely hold it together at how perfectly it represents them. She is there, so close yet so far away from him with God only knows how much shit keeping them apart.

“It’s perfect,” she breathes out, her voice wavering.

Chris must sense that now is not the time to ask more questions so he just stands and starts gathering his supplies. Chloe wants to watch, really, she’s curious, but she can’t tear her eyes away from his sketch. Her fingers stroke the star on paper and a lone tear rolls down her cheek. _I miss you_, she sends into the universe, hoping he’ll hear her prayer.

It doesn’t take long for Chris to prepare, not with black ink being the only color he needs and he sits next to her, firing his machine.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, here we go.”

The sensation is a funny one, Chloe thinks. It’s not so painful at first, it tickles, almost. The noise is what’s getting to her. The constant buzzing is fascinating, almost hypnotic. She focuses on it as Chris starts inking her skin and she marvels at how a single needle can push black pigments under her skin, permanently marking her.

It starts getting painful when Chris passes over and over the lines, making sure they’re full and as dark as he can make them. The tendons underneath protest at the assault and her focus shifts from the buzzing to the pain. Feeling pain means she’s still alive. It reminds her of what she’s been through, of why she’s sitting in that chair right at this moment. She’s strong, stronger than she’s ever believed. She’ll make it through, she knows that, but she wishes she never had to. She wishes Lucifer never had to leave and she sends the prayer into the universe, telling him how much she misses him, how much she loves him, how much she wishes he was with her.

It’s a small tattoo and so, Chris is done barely half an hour later and he smiles as he cleans up her skin, revealing the very same design he drew for her. Tears well up in her eyes as she looks at it and she’s glad he isn’t mentioning it, isn’t forcing her to talk, is letting her drink it in first.

“What d’ya think?” Chris asks after a couple of minutes and Chloe offers him a watery smile.

“I love it, thank you so much.”

Her fingers hover over the tattoo, but she doesn’t touch it, not yet. He slathers on some ointment over it and gives her instructions on how to take care of it.

“Do you do calligraphy? Like copying someone’s handwriting?” Chloe asks as they walk back to the front room.

“I'm good at calli, but for copying, you should ask Mary. She’s better at it than I am.”

“That’s the other artist here?”

“Yeah. I’m guessing it’s your boyfriend’s?”

Chloe blushes and gives him a sheepish grin.

“He has this line, almost like a catchphrase. I think that’s going to be the next one, and I think you might see me back here before too long.”

He chuckles and gives her a gentle clap on the shoulder. “You know where we are and we’re open 24/7. You should maybe call ahead to make sure Mary’s in, but we’ll do it for you, no problem.”

She smiles and nods at him and he does the same.

“I will, thank you.”

“You have a great night, Chloe, I’ll leave you with Sam, she’ll take care of you.”

Sam, short for Samantha, makes her pay and she takes a card, just so she has the number for when she’s ready.

It takes her a little while, but eventually, Chloe manages to find the courage to go to Lucifer’s − hers now − penthouse and after some thorough research, she finds everything she needs for her second tattoo. Before long, she’s back in the chair and Mary is focused on adorning her skin with the prettiest handwriting both women have ever seen. This time, when she leaves, Chloe has a beautiful ‘_What do you desire?_’ on her right hip and if the tattoo on her wrist is no longer a secret, she’s planning on Lucifer being the first one to see her newest addition.

And, once they’re both healed, if sometimes late at night Chloe caresses the tattoos and imagines Lucifer pressing his lips against them, marveling at them, claiming her as his in the best ways he knows how, that’s for her to know and not anyone else.

Well.

Except maybe for a very lonely Devil who hears the words of her worship in his mind as she utters them.

But that is another story.


End file.
